As I sit here reading myself to back into a not so bright past of myself of my family and my close friends the weather seems fitting – its raining, its cold and unlike my natural flare for the powerful positive and upbeat stir ups I’m ok with just letting it ride.

This post comes off a phone call that I just need with my best friend *Ashely. 

Ashley and I have been friends since I was 20. 

We shred everything together the good, the bad, the news about her baby, well that kinda of put an end to what was our party era together, I on the other hand  continued to party and make mistakes some of which were small and forgivable others a bit more on the serious side such as being with badly behaved men who have a tendencies for control and violence. 

Heres the thing that gets me so upset “Why don’t you just leave?” 

Well at first lets acknowledge that most people who enter into these relationships are vulnerable in some way, lets than add into the picture that the people who are dishing out this form of abusive are well versed in the art of manipulation. 

My story was the same as just about anyone else’s. 

And Ill tell it here now as I feel its time.

When I was younger actually fuck that sob story.

But lets just say even though my single mother tried ( single mother of 5 kids 6 depending on whether or not our brother Ben came to stay with us while in between foster careers or as it turned out in and out of physc wards ) chill out, I’m not going ‘there’ with this post. 

The whole point was to illustrate that yes our little house of treasures was a little different we moved around a lot mostly I think because mum was paranoid her other kids would be taken off of her. This is truth the system especially the one that are there to protect us are as corrupt and deprived as you can imagine. 

Now reading this if your someone who has no idea or understanding about the world the real world not the plastic synthetic one you are continually conditioned to believe is set up for your safety but the real one where a slimly undercurrent of corruption and vile parasitical fuckheads hoot toot around the lower social classes only to prey upon vulnerable mostly women. 

This was unfortunately the story of mother not just with the removal of her her son my brother but throughout her life. And forgive me for saying this but again if you’ve had no real lived life experience of its like to grow up broke and assumed dump then you’d not understand this post and therefore its best you kindly leave now either that or continue read the following knowing full well your creating your own trauma. 

“You know my friend *Soli she’s dead”

I paused half hoping that I had missed a prolog or an illness that I wasn’t made aware of. 

My mind running through a dialog of her and our brief but telling interactions over the years, the stories of her falling into yet another abusive relationship coming to the surface.

“The last time I saw her I had to take her to the hospital for a **pe* kit – Ashley posing for a moment that was the last time”

We spoke more about the choice made by Ashley at the time to no longer participate in *Soli’s life. 

We all get to ‘that point’ in these fucked up relationships where our friends and family cant support us anymore and I was the same. 

At 19 I had ended up in a very abusive relationship wherein my boyfriend was hitting me threatening me and overall controlling me each move I mad, phone call and text was either used as a way to punish me or weaponised to further his own convictions that I was cheating on him. 

The fights, the abuse. Consistent and eventually people saw it they saw it and one of friends dads refused to allow him at their house anymore due to it – which I really respect him for. So many people told me to leave but it wasn’t until I walked into my first ever therapy session that I actually had the capacity to leave.

TRIGGER WARNING, 

One night he had gone as far to beat me and force himself on top of me while I laid there unable to move I thought ‘why do I keep ending up in these situations’ 

Then as if completely removed from the situation “I need to go to therapy’. Thats how I ended up in therapy well – it took another 2 Years of being abused but I did finally leave and It was due to mostly my mum never giving up on me and my therapist saying this in response to my questions regarding abusive men.

“ Jasmine do you see these women at the train station now, the ones with missing teeth, black eyes and they look like a nightmare – they were the ones who didn’t leave, men like this do not change”

If you take anything from this post take that one sentence and run with it because upon hearing it fro the first time it changed my life. 

My mother soon thereafter moved into another house where Luke didn’t have our address and I finally escaped. 

He also abused my kitten and punched its teeth out – because he’s at the very Bottom of human evolution. 

I hope this post gets read by someone who was considering him for a job and he loses it, 

I hope this post gets read by police officer who’s reviewing case files about another victim and sees this post and thinks “I knew it’. 

Luke Olds you pathetic excuse for a human-being gross you are gross and anyone who associates with you is equally as gross. I heard someone pushed you off a roof good.

By the time I had finally ended up in therapy my friends had all but evaporated and the only person who still answered my phone calls was my mum, she unlike everyone was desperate to get me out of this man clutches. 

And I will say clutches and I will also use both of these creatures names because fuck them and also if Chris Vagg is still able to use his parents money to get him out of shit than I can use his name to free myself of the mistake of not being able to put him away in the first place for trying to choke me – he was trying too kill me, the only reason he didn’t succeed was due to the fact his neighbour had switched onto the fact that something was astray and came around the back to check on me because her knocks on the door had gone unnoticed by the deranged psychopath. 

Also, I might add in that this particular loser drug addicted pathetic excuse for a human waste land was not unlike the previous version of the other male who also physically attacked me. 

However Chris did it once and I left.

Luke was hitting me for years and I simply couldn’t figure out a way to keep him happy enough to stop.

I had no version of what a normal loving relationship looked like, I wasn’t really prepared for what came next with either men.

Chris and I ended up in court over the incident where he tried to choke me to death that was also due to the police making the decision to press charges. 

Luke got away with it well – actually he got away with up until now because now I feel empower and fucking inspired to let everyone know exactly who they are dealing with. 

‘

To Lukes mother who continually bailed Luke out knowing full well his was a drug addicted loser who unlike me refused to work you’re also part of the problem. 

I wont go any further into you and your BS but I will say one thing about it all You made him worse because you refused to make him accountable in anyway. 

Chris Vagg – your a fucking deranged loser who most likely going to read this post go off on some ‘ill sue you tangent’ then like the little coward you are make your parents deal with it because lets face it its not their son they care about is it? No its their reputations. 

Even though absolutely everyone knows you’re a deep insure person who runs around pretending to play a bad-boy because you have nothing else to do with your life and no ambition due to the fact your parents raised you to be fearful of them and the entire world if anyone ever found out that your all batshit crazy and not in the fun-loving eccentric way that most people can enjoy.

No your family is the cold nasty type who would make excuses about suing people ‘just because’.

Just cold assholes basically who found new reasons to ruin peoples days. 

I remember meeting his mother for the first or second time and she commented how the neighbours were complaining over a building issue that was in fact due to the building needing rendering works because of the weight of theirs forcing the placement of the neighbours house creating mass cracks in the walls. 

When she explained it to me she was very pride about the entire saga. 

An arrogant smugness that seemed to demonstrate to me it simply didn’t matter who’s fault it was  they’ll happily keep fighting them. 

Again just total lunatics. 

I was young I was 22 years old I didn’t know any better and I did honestly think that Chris loved me. 

Fast forward to my point. 

Its not our faults that we end up with (mostly ) men who are hell bent on keeping us captive by use of punishment and control.

We don’t see it – I didn’t ‘see it’

So the next time your friend calls you to complain about her abusive partner remember not all domestic violence relationships end up in court some end up unfortunately in the funeral home. 

I wish we had more education, more time and more resources. 

But we don’t and unless we as a community address this in a real way it continues. 

If someone you know is a victim of domestic abuse please encourage them to seek help through the use of help line or a women’s shelter. 

As someone whose witnessed this first hand and dealt with it myself I can honestly say that the men doing this to women don’t give a fuck about us they are just using us as vessels of pain and touring us in a way to maintain their power. 

We become brain washed. 

It takes a lot to leave a cult – our basically in a cult, 

A deeply rooted, well informed, architecture that keeps us from leaving and from anyone else getting in. 

So have some compassion and let us speak openly and freely about these people in the hopes that no one else will have to lose their lives to monster and his ‘play thing’.