this is a page with my own poems and others as well, enjoy.

This is dedicated to an ex boyfriend

Written November 2017.

I remember when I first listened to this poem, it was about a friends ex boyfriend, they seem to be the on again off again couple that we all know and love, who knows why it seems to be so hard sometimes to just be happy be happy together.

This is about you ..enjoy

This poem was started at the beginning of a break up and finished when i found out he had cheated on me..

this feeling although not my own, needs to be dealt with all alone.  feeling that it’s ‘gone’ the questing of what I did so damn wrong. Blaming me for telling you how I felt, when your love is like driving without a seatbelt. 

Take responsibility for your own actions, stop using your state of being to facilitate another anchor of pain.

Do you hear my words or are they lost? 

Do you feel like making another person carrying your self loathing cross, I can tell you that I loved you, you can tell me you loved me to, but in the end it’s pain and resentment that you will surely continue. 

I wonder what exactly the future holds for someone that has no self value. I wonder what would happen if you lost the art of making people fall so hopelessly in love with you. 

the closing of doors the, the holding out for applause, the knowing something isn’t quite right, and not letting us talk it out but instead starting another bullshit fight.

The high expectation you have but don’t seek, the strength you hold but always seem grow weak. 

I hope you find out why you can’t convince yourself or anyone that you have truth, finding yourself is not getting lost in someone else, and baby you are wasting your youth. hurting other isn’t what life is supposed to be about. We were talking it over but now it’s nothing shouts. 

Every message and send, is yet another way for you find fault – instead of dealing with the fact you aren’t can’t pretend anymore and have to drop the act, because your own life is something you can’t unpack. 

 

I’m Not letting myself be your excuse for more pain, yet another reason and person to blame,  one more sleepless night, trying to forget you once held onto me so tight.  You did this to us – you will do it again.What is it with me and falling for broken men. 

 Lose yourself – inside another, and another, wrapping yourself inside their lives, buying time and lying about making them your ‘wife’ using your words like a knife. 

Stop creating more victims of  your ‘love’  your true passion is in creation an expectation that it can exist, but in reality your broken and don’t know what love really is. Stop burdening me with your fake wants to get better, and blaming me for your shitty behaviour. 

I’m sorry you can’t commit to fixing what happened to you, I’m sorry your pain must still be such torture, but making people fall in love with you, is like leading lambs into the slaughter. 

The worst part of this is you might actually believe your own bullshit- It must be a very dark place where you live – I wanted to save you, I wanted to take care of you and build and create – but now I know this wasn’t our fate.

 This time i thought i knew, this time i thought it was true , the excusses the blame, the past you can’t deal with and all of your own pain. 

Knowing that you aren’t really there, blaming me for loving you and forgetting that this is simply what you always do, can’t you stop the cycle the pretend, the fulfilling of love you keep keeping chasing, committed to an ‘enteral fate’  you keep reapplying the same quick fix, reliving the same pain, to no one else’s gain, but your own in a momentary state of bliss,

reliving of a past trauma that’s so traumatic you couldn’t carve it out with words, so it becomes static, having to leave you before you make me feel, helpless, unloved, or told off for being ‘dramatic’ needing and wanting you but knowing that your cycle is something your more committed to. 

 The fact you pretend it’s true loves words you have spoken, but knowing now i was nothing but a small token.

  Stop causing the pain and making us burden that scare.  ultimately giving away your sense of self, being too scared to accept help, 

knowing I tried and cared soo damn much, wanting all of the things that are aren’t in a touch, nurturing the burden, the understanding that you had an end date,  the forgetting you told me you’ve done this all before. 

letting you, ‘do you’ the misery, the moments and momentary bliss forgetting that it wasn’t you i fall in love with, the wondering why you can’t be a real person, because for you sharing the pain is certain.

Cheating on me, makes me sad, whats worse is your actually becoming your dad, his disrespect, his neglect, the way you treated me and the women you slept with while we were together, we know about you and have enough smarts to warn the rest of the world stay away from this man, he isnt not who he pretends to be, he doesn’t love you or want anything serious, he’ll feed you full of hope and just as soon as you fall, leaves you, without a real or genuine answer, then he’ll repeat the patten because up until just now we didnt know anybetter. dont you see playing the victim isn’t for free, you have no respect for women, you don’t call us back or tell us the truth, you are a lying, cunning, sluth.  

Just another page in the book, another reason you have to get cooked.